Characterization

Building Characters is hard.  I've got an awesome idea for a story based on the concept of a self-contained space where everything is provided except room to move and grow (physically and mentally) and what happens when the system breaks down... but I have to build compelling characters.  The last two pieces I've written, the first character is essentially a cypher, and no one else really exists, and in the other, he's a huge cartoon scrawled across the sky.

So I did an exercise, suggested to me by a fellow writer on G+, which is basically a rudimentary Character sheet.  Who, What, Where, When.  The Why will follow when you know the other four Ws.

Here is what I got.  I'm certainly interested in comments.

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Characters:
Narrator (Ren)
1)Who: 27 y/o man
2) What: Trying to keep himself, his sister and his mate safe from harm
3) Where: In Ark25, a contained, self-sufficient but overcrowded environment
4) When: Far in the future (indeterminate)

At 27, Ren is one of the youngest members of Ark 25; people stopped having children almost immediately after his generation. Raised in the overcrowded conditions of the Ark, he has never known true privacy, and is always touching something or someone. Mated with Neerya, he lives in a small compartment with her, his older sister Raane, and Roye. When society falls apart, Ren’s first instincts are to run away, but he fights to get back to his sister and his mate, and tries to take them to the safest place he can think of in the Ark – the Ayrie. The journey there and what he discovers will change everything.

Raane (Ren’s sister)
1)Who: 32 y/o woman
2) What: admiring hers and others’ looks
3) Where: In Ark25, a contained, self-sufficient but overcrowded environment
4) When: Far in the future (indeterminate)

Raane is Ren’s older sister. She’s been slowly drifting away from her family, becoming a “Beautiful”, who is only interested in her looks, and admiring the looks of others. She spends almost all of her time in the Commons, an open area where other Beautifuls have built out a series of stages and platforms upon which they host their myriad mutual admiration societies. When society finally disintegrates, Raane would have been lost if not for the efforts of her brother. Will his willingness to risk everything for her help her change her ways?

Neerya (Ren’s mate)
1)Who: 28 y/o woman
2) What: While older than Ren, Neerya is much less aware of what’s going on in the Ark. What she really wants is a child, but there’s no room, much less facilities for giving birth.
3) Where: In Ark25, a contained, self-sufficient but overcrowded environment
4) When: Far in the future (indeterminate)

Neerya has grown up under the same conditions as Ren and Raane, but she only has eyes for her family. She doesn’t understand the problems with the Beautifuls, Diners or Vores, and doesn’t care: all she cares about is building a family with Ren. What’s standing in her way? Everything. There haven’t been any children born since her own generation was. There’s no room. There’s increasing violence from the Diners. There’s the indifference of the Beautifuls and the Vores. When everything falls apart, she instinctively clings to Ren, but what will happen when she needs to make decisions that affect the whole group?

Roye (4th member of room)
1)Who: Man in his late 30s
2) What: Roye is a cipher.
3) Where: In Ark25, a contained, self-sufficient but overcrowded environment
4) When: Far in the future (indeterminate)

Roye’s not interested in Raane. He doesn’t interact with the group much. Ren invited him to live in the compartment with them specifically because Roye seemed to be someone who would stay out of the way and not be a hassle. But when society breaks down, Roye’s secret will be exposed.

Barno (antagonist)
1)Who: Man in his late 50s
2) What: Trying to prevent what’s coming.
3) Where: In Ark25, a contained, self-sufficient but overcrowded environment
4) When: Far in the future (indeterminate)

Barno plays a crochety old man, but he’s one of the few inhabitants of the Ark who understands what’s happening and what’s about to happen. For some reason, he’s taken an interest in Ren and his little group. He’s angry, he’s difficult, but he’s intelligent and he knows secrets about the Ark that no one else does.